Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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