We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
not ubering you a puppy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
