My first STD was from a foam party
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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