You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
