he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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