ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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