so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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