Someone shit on the floor
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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