real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
