The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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