38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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