That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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