Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
