I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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