Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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(802): View more from Vermont

that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight

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(303): View more from Colorado

this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.

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(360): View more from Washington

You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.

(1-360): View more from Washington

I'm puking in a turkey pan....

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(801): View more from Utah

She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"

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(843): View more from South Carolina

It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain

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