Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
