dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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