no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
