windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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