apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
