Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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