I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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