I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
