so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
