Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
