mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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