I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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