I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
