I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
