I need help removing her.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
