I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
