ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
