There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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