..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
