I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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