Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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