I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This baby is an asshole
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
