the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
