we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
