Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Houston, we have a blender
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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