kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
