You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
