As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
