So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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