Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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