I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
