This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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