do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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