I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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