u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
