my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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