Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
