Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
