It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
