I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
