There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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