He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there is glitter all over my balls
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
