two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
