So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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