she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
