At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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