I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize