Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize