but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
