I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
