Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
