where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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