Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
