Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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