I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
