That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
