Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
